Moondust
by The Corsair's Quill
Summary: Emma has a breakdown, pushing her to make the biggest mistake of her life yet. Will she come to her senses in time or will it cost her everything?
1. Chapter 1

"Emma, don't do this," Killian urged, following the blonde to her car. "You don't have to leave, Swan. Everything you want is right in front of you," he said, repeating his words from long ago.

She wiped away the tears from her cheeks, ignoring him as she stuffed her bags into the trunk of her car. "Henry, get in the car," she snapped, moving around Killian.

"Emma!" he exclaimed, grabbing her arm, forcing her to look at him. "You can't take off with your son like this."

"Why not?" she shot, throwing her hands up in the air, her eyes wild, her cheeks wet from her tears.

"Because I don't want to go!" Henry chimed in. "Mom, you're running away again," he sighed.

"Henry. Get. In. The. Car. Now." She gritted out through her teeth.

"No," he replied defiantly. "This is my home. _Our_home. And I'm not leaving."

She flitted her eyes back and forth from her son and Killian. "It's for your own good, Henry," she urged, getting on her knees in front of him, unmindful of the unforgiving concrete under her knees. "It's not our home anymore. New York is."

"That was before I got my memories back!" he cried, pulling away. "Mom, this is our lives. It's much better than the one we had in New York."

Emma looked defeated, running a hand through her hair. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it away. She stood up, dusting off her jeans. "Get in the car, Henry. I'm your mother and you have to listen to me," she said lifelessly.

"No," he shot back. "That was during our cursed life. You gave me up in reality, remember?" he asked cruelly.

She stumbled back in shock, her hand flying to her mouth.

"Henry!" Killian admonished. "That is not how you talk to your mother."

"If she was my mother, she wouldn't take my happiness away from me!" he exclaimed, turning around and running back into the Inn.

Emma leaned tiredly against her car, covering her face with her hands, trying to quell in the tears. "Swan. You saw how it's affecting the lad. Don't go. Stay._Please_," he coaxed, coming to stand in front of her.

"I'm still leaving," she replied, sniffing.

"What?" the pirate sputtered. "But-but Henry is staying. You are just going to leave him after everything you did to get him back?" he demanded angrily.

"Yes, alright!" she shouted, startling him. "I don't want this life. I don't want to be some Saviour! I am tired of losing everything I care about. I don't have anything to stay for."

"You have _everything!_" he retorted. "You have your parents. You have friends. You have _me!_And you're just willing to throw it all away. For what? Living an aimless life?" he sneered. "You are being a coward," he snarled, his lips curling.

He felt his cheek sting from the force of her slap, his face forced to the side. "How _dare_you?" she accused, her eyes brimming up with angry tears as her face twisted into a hurt scowl. "_How dare you_ of all people even _assume that_?!" she cried.

"Because that's exactly what you are, Swan. A coward. You are running away from the good things in life," he replied, his eyes softened at the brokenness of her expression.

"Killian, I can't live my life like this. I can't be the Saviour. I can't keep on the lookout for constant danger. I can't keeping living a life where I have no choices!" she explained.

"But you do have a choice. You can stay, be a part of something. Or do what you do best and be alone," he shot her words back at her, making her freeze. "You gave me a choice long back, and now you have the same choice," he said, staring into her green eyes, persuading her to stay.

Her face fell, her hand clenched around her car keys. She hesitated and he took the opportunity to keep going. "You can have a happy life here. With your son. With your parents. With your brother. It doesn't always have to be bad things. You have good things here. Wonderful things. Don't leave it all behind, Emma. You'll regret it."

She tearfully lifted a hand to his face, lovingly cupping it. He leaned into it, his heart hammering in his chest, anticipating her answer. "I'll visit," she said at last. "I'll visit as much as I can. But right now, I need to leave all of this behind me and f-find myself. I feel so lost here, living in the shadow of who people expect me to be."

His eyes flashed. "What about me?" he asked. "I don't want you to be anyone but yourself. I will stand by your side. Always. All I ask in return is that you stay. Don't steal away in the night, Swan, without a word to anyone. Stay."

She blinked back her tears, swallowing around the lump in her throat. "I have to go," she whispered, dropping her hand and walking to her car.

He remained frozen on his spot, unable to react, to move, to do anything except watch her leave again.

"What about us?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper but seemed a loud as a bullet in the night, piercing the silence. "What about last night?" he asked, moving towards her now. "What about how you woke me up from a curse with your kiss?" he went on.

"Stop-"

"What about being tired of living in the past, Swan? What about your love for me?" he demanded, standing toe-to-toe with her, towering over her. "You're willing to throw that away as well? Like we're _garbage?_" he spat, making her flinch.

"Killian, please-"

"You leave now, Emma, and that is it. I won't come for you this time," he warned, making her stop. "I will pine. I will suffer. I will think of your everyday. I will always love you. But I will not come after you this time. You leave now, leave me and that will be my answer."

She stared up at him, her eyes red, her throat bobbing up and down painfully. She placed a hand on his chest, etching the memory of his strong chest in her mind, remembering how it felt under her, above her, pressed into her, as sweat slicked skin moved together in unison.

She squeezed her eyes shut, gently pushing him back. "I have to do this," she whispered, getting into her car without a backward glance, leaving her entire life in the dust, crying earnestly. But she had to do this. This was what was best for everyone. For her.

But somehow, she didn't know if she believed it anymore.

-/-

Killian remained frozen outside the diner, his face a picture of a broken man. He felt his heart break more and more as he watched her yellow vessel move farther and farther away. A lone tears slipped down his face, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"Is she really gone?" a quiet voice asked behind him. He whirled around, his fist clenched as he saw Henry walk towards him. "She actually left?" he asked incredulously.

"Henry-" he began, not knowing how to tell the lad the truth.

"Killian," he urged, raising his eyebrow, reminding him painfully of him mother. "Tell me."

He struggled to find the words, but his silence was all the answer that he needed. "Oh."

"She-she promised to visit, Henry. Sh-She is just- She just needs her space, lad," he replied.

"Do you believe that she will come back?" he asked, staring up at the man who he'd come to admire in such a short time.

"O-Of course," he stammered, as his heart shouted the loud _NO!_

"Even I can lie better than that," the boy shrugged, his face twisting as he tried to keep in his tears. "I can't believe she left," he whispered, his voice rough.

"Henry, your mother loves you very much. She just needs some time to think. She'll be back," Killian reassured him, even as he didn't believe it.

"What if it's too late by then?" Henry questioned, his tone defeated.

Killian closed his eyes as his last words to her echoed in his head. It's already too late, he thought, but wisely chose to keep silent.

"Let me take you to your grandparents'," he said instead, resting a hand on his shoulder as he guided him towards the loft.

"I'm sorry, Killian."

"As am I, Henry."


	2. Chapter 2

**_Three months later_**

Emma stumbled through her front door, toeing off her heels. She slumped against the hallway wall tiredly, as the silence of the apartment overwhelmed her like it always did whenever she came home.

She slid down the wall, pulling her knees to her chest, hugging herself tight, resting her forehead on her knees as she struggled to breath. She couldn't do this, this whole looking for myself thing. She was living a lie, her entire life back in a town in Maine.

She pulled out her phone from her purse, dialling her parents' number, her thumb hovering over the call button. She hadn't contacted them since she left, without even a goodbye. She hadn't let them know, and she hadn't even visited like she said she would. She'd ignored everyone of their calls and texts. She didn't know if they would even take her back.

_They would,_ a voice in the back of her mind replied. _They're your parents. They would take you back in a heartbeat_.

She felt the traitorous tears fall down her cheeks as she struggled to breathe, to reign in her emotions before she realised that no one was there to see her like this. No one was there because she left them. She left her parents. Henry. _Oh god, Henry_. She left him just like she had been left behind as a kid. _And Killian_, her mind reminded her as his last words to her echoed through her mind.

_"You leave now, Emma, and that is it. I won't come for you this time."_

Outraged, she threw her phone against the wall watching it as it shattered into pieces, much like her heart. She started to sob loudly, sitting broken and pathetic against the wall, all alone because she was too scared.

_Coward_, a familiarly accented voice called out mockingly, making her cry harder, yearning to hear his voice again. For real.

His touch haunts her when she dreams and his voice when she's awake. Tormenting her, teasing her, _loving her_.

She could still see his broken, betrayed expression behind her eyes, clear as the night it happened. She could still see Henry's unbidden anger. She could remember it with startling clarity that every time she thought of it, it crippled her, rendering her a useless, sobbing mess.

This was all a mistake. A big mistake. A coward's way out and she needed to fix it. She needs to go back.

She struggled to get up from her perch on the floor, gripping the wall for support. She walked through the living room, rushing past the empty walls stripped off of every reminder of Henry. She stumbled past his old, now empty bedroom, her resolve growing. Hurriedly she packed everything she needed, making all the calls necessary to make arrangements for the rest of this stuff to be sent back to Stroybrooke. This time, she had no plans on returning. That was her home. It always had been. She just needs to get it back.

She stuffed her bags into her car, feeling half-giddy and half-terrified out of her mind. But it was time she owned up to her mistakes. It was time she returned to her parents, her son. Her _true love._ She revved her engine, speeding (as fast as her car could) down the road, towards Storybrooke.

-/-

She stayed in her car for a very long time after she reached the apartment, trying to build up the courage to go and knock on their door. She knew for a fact that even though it was pretty late, they weren't asleep. She could see that the lights were still on through the window facing the street.

She felt her heart speed up as she thought about how she was going to see her parents again. Her little brother, see how much he'd grown in the time she'd been gone. She shouldn't have left at all, she repeated to herself. It was momentary lapse and now she has no idea what sort of chaos it created in her family.

Whether they would forgive her. Whether Henry would. Whether_ Killian _would. She had hurt him the most, she knew. She'd dangled a future together only to snatch it and run away with it. She rubbed her tired eyes, her self-depreciation getting the best of her.

She swallowed down her emotions painfully around the lump in her throat. Time to face the music, she decided, grabbing the duffle bag next to her and getting out of the car. She could get the rest later, she had to go see her parents now.

-/-

"David, could you get me Leo's bottle for me?" Mary Margret called out, cradling her son against her, rocking him back and forth as she soothed him, singing softly. "David?" she called out when she didn't hear a reply from him.

She carried their son to the living room in search of his father, her eyes tearing up at the sight. Her husband was sitting, looking defeated at the picture of her and Emma. His thumb was tracing their daughter's face, a fat drop of tear landing on the glass.

"Oh, David," she mumbled, sitting next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "She'll come back to us," she assured, kissing his cheek reassuringly.

"She's been gone for three months. Without a single phone call or text or anything. She's not coming back, Mary Margret," he whispered back, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"Don't say that," she admonished gently. "You heard what Killian said. She said she'd visit. That she just needed space. She'll come back to us, David. We just need to have faith," she said, shifting Leo in her arms so that she could embrace him from the side.

"He said that to reassure Henry. May Margret, we've lived our whole lives holding on to faith, letting fate decide for us. Look at where it's led us now," he argued.

"We're happy now. Emma may not be with us, but we know she's safe. David, I know how much it hurts, I do. Sometimes, it's only the faith that I hold onto when the pain gets too much. So, don't tell me to stop hoping because that's all I have. Hope that someday our daughter will come back to us, just like she did before." She was crying at this point, rendering David speechless.

"I didn't realise-"

"That I wasn't really okay with her going? I didn't either. I thought I'd come to terms with it, but-" before she could finish, they were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. She raised her eyebrows in question, as David shrugged.

"Were you expecting someone?" she asked.

"No," he stood up, going to answer the door.

"If it's one of your 'mates' again asking you to another one of your 'man-talks', you're not going," she warned, going to the kitchen.

"It's guy talk," he grumbled in retaliation, making her roll her eyes. He opened the door, starting to decline whoever was there on the other side, when he saw who it was.

His hand slipped off the door handle in shock, speechless and eyes wide is disbelief. He blinked, thinking it was an illusion, because it couldn't be his daughter standing in front of him, eyes red with a duffle bag grasped in her hands.

He must have been too lost in his own thoughts because he didn't hear Mary Margret come behind him. But he did hear her gasp, pulling him painfully back to reality.

"Emma!" she cried, her hand covering her mouth in disbelief as tears sprang in her eyes.

The blonde smiled back, her lower lip trembling as tears welled in her own eyes. "Hi, mom. Dad," she said weakly, fidgeting in the doorway.

The next moment David had pulled her into a tight hug, his hand holding her head to his shoulder, even as his eyes remained open in shock. Mary Margret soon joined the hug, careful not to squish the baby between them.

"Oh, Emma," she cried. "I'm so glad you're back."

"I'm so sorry," Emma sobbed into his shoulder. "I am so, so sorry that I left like that. I'm sorry, dad, mom," she whimpered, even as the two of them soothed her.

They slowly pulled her into the house, closing the door. David sat her down on the couch, taking a seat next to her as Mary Margret bustled around the kitchen making hot chocolate.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled again, leaning her forehead on her father's shoulder.

"Shhh, it's okay," he murmured soothingly. "It's okay, it's okay. We're here."

"I shouldn't have left. I wanted to come back every day."

He was tempted to ask why she didn't, but wisely chose to keep his mouth shut, gently running his hand down her hair, revelling in the feeling.

"It's okay. You're here now," he replied, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"Here," Mary Margret said, handing her her hot chocolate. "It'll help your relax."

"Thank you," Emma whispered, her voice hoarse from tears.

"Mom, I'm sorry for running away like that," she apologised, hugging the woman in question.

"Well, I guess this made up for your teenage tantrums," she joked tearfully, making the other two chuckle lightly. "I'm so glad you're home, honey."

"I'm glad to be home," she croaked. David and Mary Margret exchanged watery smiles, as she mouthed _Hope_, making her husband smile wider, as he ran a warm hand up and down his daughter's back.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma was up bright and early the next morning, she'd hardly been able to get a wink of sleep. She's going to see her son after three months and considering how she left things, it was safe to say she was beyond nervous. She sat up on her bed, contemplating how she was going to approach him. Mary Margret-_Her mom_- had said he was living with Regina now, but she couldn't just walk over to the mayor's house and demand to see the son she left behind, could she?

Her throat closed up at the thought of Henry not wanting to see her, her heart clenching painfully. She had left him just like she promised herself she wouldn't ever do. _What kind of mother does that?_ she thought to herself, her self loathing raising, suffocating her.

_The kind who's a coward_, her subconscious echoed, the word haunting her ever since _he_ called her out on it. She pulled her knees up, hugging herself, curling into a feeble position just like she'd done the past three months whenever she felt like she was about to break, hold herself tight as if holding together the broken pieces of her heart.

But it was not her heart alone she broke when she left.

Her resolve strengthened as she found the courage to face her parents without the cover of tears as an excuse to not explain anything. They'd left her off the hook yesterday, but she knew she had to explain her actions. They deserved it, after everything.

She slid out of bed, padding down the stairs, her thudding alerting the other two of her presence, making them stop whispering about whatever it was that they were talking about.

She shot them a suspicious glance, her eyebrows pulled together. "What's going on?" she asked, taking a seat on one of the bar stools.

"Nothing," the both said in unison, entirely unconvincingly to be sure.

She raised an eyebrow, staring at them with a dry stare as if to say, _Orly?_ David simply shrugged, his eyes glued to his pancakes, as he stuffed some into his mouth.

Her mother's gaze flitted between her and David, struggling to keep whatever it was to herself. And if anyone knew her mother, they knew she couldn't keep a secret.

"Are we really going to play this game?" Emma asked, as her mother slid her her own batch of pancakes.

"What?" she asked innocently.

Emma remained silent, having a stare off with her mother, who surprisingly kept mum. "Oh, come on you guys! You don't have to keep things from me," she said finally, throwing her hands up in the air.

"We're not _keeping _anything from you," David said, shooting his wife a quick look. "We were just talking about...our situation. We-um, we never got a proper explanation yesterday..." he trailed off. "Not like we need an explanation for why you came back, obviously!" he rushed to correct himself. "We're-we're glad you're home. We just-"

"We just wanted to know if it was permanent!" Mary Margret burst out, unable to contain herself.

David's wide eyes shifted to his wife, his eyebrows raised in alarm.

Emma flushed, looking down at her pancakes. She poked at them, as she felt the shame take over. It must hurt, for her mother having to ask her daughter if she was planning on staying.

"Of course," she answered in a small voice. "I'm staying. For good this time," she replied, the tension mounting by the second.

"Emma, I didn't-"

"Mom, it's al-"

"These pancakes are really good!" They all said at the same time, both women turning their incredulous glance to David who had stuffed two whole pancakes into his mouth as he exclaimed his love for the food.

After a moment of cricket-chirping silence, the two of them started laughing as David blushed this time. "I was just-You both- I'm late for work," he finished lamely, standing up.

"I'm glad you're back, honey," he smiled at Emma, kissing her forehead. She smiled, relishing the warmth of her father. "And good luck for today. You know, with Henry," he said.

"...And Killian," she added, making him stop in his tracks.

"You're going to-to talk to him, too?" he asked, turning towards her, looking wary.

"Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I-considering how I left, I owe him an explanation, right? It's the right thing to do," she answered.

"Oh. Oh, well, that...makes sense. But maybe you should, you should wait?" he finished it as a question, rather than a statement.

"Why?" she asked confused, although her heartbeat faster dreading the answer.

"Emma," her mother sighed, "What your father is trying to say is that, maybe you should let him come to you?"

Her heart dropped as his last words to her rang in her mind, loud and broken and _God, she shouldn't have left_. "No, I should go to him," she answered, her voice breaking towards the end. "It's about time I go to him."

David dropped his head, "Emma, he's not himself," he said finally.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her fist clenching.

"He's just- he's not himself," he replied.

"You mean he's...angry with me?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"I-" he began, exchanging a desperate glance with his wife, before settling for the truth. "Yes."

She sucked in a deep breath, the truth making the hole in her heart wider, ragged, _painful_. "Oh," she breathed. "Well, I-will make amends," she declared. "To both of them, and you. And everyone else."

"Emma, you don't have to 'make amends' with us," Mary Margret chimed in. "We're your parents. We'll love and forgive you, no matter what you do," she smiled, squeezing her daughter's hand.

"Thank you," she swallowed hard. "But that doesn't mean I don't have to apologise to the others."

"There are only two people you have to apologise to. You don't owe anyone else anything," David argued.

She nodded jerkily, "Thanks, dad," she smiled, making him grin.

-/-

Emma shuffled her feet, her hands clenching and unclenching as she stared at Regina's door, the bright red door seeming to mock her.

She raised her hand to knock, but dropped it, her mind going over the possibilities, about how Henry would react. Would he be angry? Would he be happy? Would he even want to talk to her? _Oh, God, he probably hates her_.

She frowned, her teeth worrying her bottom lip, her stomach tight with knots and her heart in her throat. She felt the air freeze in her lungs, making it hard for her to breathe. How is she going to face her son after what she did? She couldn't take him being mad at her again. For him to pull away from her.

She steeled herself, bringing her hand to knock on the door, waiting for someone to answer. When there was no reply, she tried again, harder this time.

"Coming!" came a muffled male voice, followed by a crash and a yelp. Emma winced, regretting coming so early, but before she could retreat, the door was wretched open.

Robin stood covered in flour, his eyes wide in shock, gaping at her. "Emma!" he exclaimed, stuttering.

"Hey...Robin," she said uncertainly. "You live here now?" she asked, trying to be polite.

"Er, Regina and I are married," he replied, holding up his left hand where his wedding band gleamed.

"Oh, wow, congratulations!" she wished, feeling more like a fool. "I'm so sorry I just dropped in like this," she apologised.

"It's alrigh-"

"Robin, who was at the do-" Regina stopped in her tracks, her smile frozen on her face as she saw for herself who it was. Her smile dropped, her eyes widened comically. Emma internally groaned, getting quickly tired of this reaction.

"Miss Swan," she greeted, pulling her robe tighter around herself. "This is-You are..." she trailed off, her eyebrows pulling together.

"Back?" Emma finished for her.

"So you are," the brunette agreed.

"I came to see Henry," Emma said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Absolutely not!" Regina exclaimed indignantly.

"Regina!" Robin protested.

"You can't just leave for three months and come back as if nothing happened," she snapped, ignoring her husband.

"I know," Emma agreed, stepping forward. "I know what I did was wrong. But I-I was scared and I just-I needed to get away from here. And when he refused to go with me, at that time I just-I just left without him. I knew you would take care of him. I am sorry, Regina, but I didn't know what else to do, so I ran," she implored her to understand.

Regina stared at her in shock, surprised by her open confession. "I was selfish. I gave up..._everything,_ because I couldn't be who everyone expected me to be. But I'm back now. For good. I'll do anything to prove it, but please let me see my son," she pleaded, her eyes welling up.

"Regina..." Robin trailed off, glancing at Emma. She knew what he would say. She did the same thing once, she knew how Emma felt. So, how could she not forgive the woman when she would have wanted the same thing in her place.

"O-Of course," she said finally. "But if he doesn't want to talk to you, don't blame me," she finished haughtily.

Emma nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat, smiling at her gratefully despite her cold tone.

Robin smiled tightly at her, sensing the awkwardness, as Regina went back inside to call Henry. Emma's heart beat wildly, as an unconscious smile took over her face when she caught a glimpse of his messy mop of hair.

"Mom?!" he exclaimed, his voice thick. He rushed forwards, crashing into her. Her surprise must have been evident on her face because he simply pulled back, smiling at her. "I knew you would come back," he said.

"Oh, Henry," she sighed, hugging him close, resting her chin on top of his head. "I'm so sorry. I am really, really sorry for leaving you behind. I know how angry you were and you have every right to be still," she apologised, tears falling down her face as she hugged him tighter, missing his warmth.

Regina and Robin had left, giving them some privacy. Henry pulled away, his own eyes shining. "Do you want to get frozen yogurt?" he asked, making her chuckle at his absurd question.

"That's all you have to say?" she smiled.

"Let's go get frozen yogurt," he said in reply, grabbing his coat.

-/-

"I'm sorry again, Henry," Emma said, as they sat on a bench. The same bench they sat on when she told him about Neal, to be precise.

"I know you are, mom. I have to admit, I was angry. But understand why you did it. I'm not saying I agree with it, but I guess, I always knew you would come back."

She smiled, running her hand through his hair. "You always were a smart kid."

He wordlessly grasped her hand, "I'm glad you're home, mom."

"Me too, kid. I missed having you around," she hugged him, pressing a kiss into his hair.

"I missed being around," he replied cheekily.

"Henry," she sighed after a while. "I have to admit, I expected you to be angrier. I even expected you to refuse to talk to me."

"Well, I would have been, but I had Killian. And he always kept telling me you would come back," he smiled up at her. But she couldn't return his smile, her stomach clenching at the mere mention of his name.

"Mom, what is it?" he asked noticing her rigid posture.

She cleared her throat, pushing aside her own feelings. "Nothing. So, what else did Killian did say?" she asked, trying to be discreet.

"He said he had faith that you would return," he replied, giving her a weird look.

"He said that?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I mean, he was trying to make me hold onto to that hope," he corrected.

" 'Trying'? What do you mean 'trying'?"

His gaze shifted away from her, looking at a spot behind her shoulder before he took a deep breath, as if he was about to tell her some bad news. "I mean, it didn't sound like he believed it himself. Like he only said it to make me feel better."

"Oh?" she choked out, her heart plummeting to her stomach. She felt the tattle-tale pain between her eyes indicating she was very close to bawling her eyes out.

"I may be wrong!" Henry rushed to reassure her. "I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see that you're back," he vowed, smiling up at her.

"Somehow, I'm not sure 'thrilled' is what he'll feel," she replied, her voice scratchy.

"Killian loves you, mom," he pointed out, making Emma snap her eyes to his. "What? You think I didn't notice? I'm almost 14, mom," he rolled his eyes.

"I love him too," she murmured. "But I messed up."

"Yeah, you did," he agreed. "But if you really love someone, you forgive them even if they mess up."

She smiled through her tears, looking on proudly at how much he'd grown without her even noticing. "You always know the right things to say, kid," she hugged him, hoping with all her heart that he was right.

It was time for her to find her pirate and tell him how she felt.


	4. Chapter 4

Of all the apologies Emma had to make in the past day, this one seems to be the hardest. And it should, because her last memory of Storybrooke before she came back was of his devastated face, showing without a single barrier how much she hurt him, took all of his hopes and dreams and crushed it right in front of his eyes.

Her days were haunted by her regret but her nights, _God, her nights, _were always filled with dreams of their last night together. She would dream of how he'd pressed her into the mattress, taking her and giving her, more-_always more_. She would dream of his kisses, etched into her skin as their hips moved against each others', his breath enticingly drifting over the place where her neck and shoulder met, making her whine from deep in her throat. She would dream about every promise she whispered to him in the throes of passion, haunting her for having broken them, _broken him, broken her._

She'd woken up from her dreams-painful as they were, she would never consider them her nightmares- sweaty and aching and crying, his voice in her head rasping out his love for her. She would fall asleep crying, regret filling her up and _coward, coward, coward_, echoing all around her.

But she had to do this. She _had_ to apologise to him and hope to God he takes her back, because she needs him. She loves him and she needs him and she was a fool for having waited so long. She latched onto her inner-Henry, trying to hold on to that hope that he would want her back.

Taking in a deep breath, she marched into Granny's Inn, already having talked with Ruby-_Emma! You're back! Welcome home!-_she knew which room he's staying in. She'd thought he would have moved somewhere else, even if to another room, considering the...activities they'd partaken in, but her pirate was stubborn like that.

She smiled slightly at that. _Her pirate_.

The guilt festered in her like a disease, preying on her insides. She hesitated not a second before she rapped on his door. No matter how guilty she felt, she had to do this. She loved him and she _knows_ he loves her; he has to forgive her, right?

Right, she decided, because the other option was just too painful.

After having waited a moment too long, she knocked again, her anxiety raising.

"Hold on a bloody minute!" his muffled lilt, full of irritation, came through the door, making her chuckle. "I'm not taking you fishing again, Dav-" he started, opening the door, but he cut himself off when he saw her.

He blinked, thinking his eyes deceived him because it can't be her. She left; he'd watched her leave. And yet here she stood, in all her golden haired, green eyed, sunshine glory, blinding him as she always did. Her mouth-her sinfully, luscious mouth- lilted up in greeting as he stared at her wide-eyed, her eyes lighting up with, dare he hope, happiness?

And the only thing he could do was slam the door in her face. He hadn't expected to see her when he opened the door. In fact, he hadn't expected to see her at all. For her to stand there, in front of him, like in the dreams that tortured him, threw him off guard.

After hoping for her to return for three months, her _actually_ returning should not have terrified him so. But it did, because he couldn't face her again. He couldn't deal with what it meant for him-for them- now that she's back. He'd spent far too long- the three months without her feeling like worse hell than the three centuries he spent in Neverland, filled with rage- trying to deal with her leaving. His heartbreak was still too fresh, too real, _too much_, for him to face her, face reality.

He wants to rage, wants to shout, wants to just grab her and kiss her and never stop. But what he wants most if for this to be a dream because at least then he'll know how it will end. He'll know it will end.

If she was really here, really back, then he would be too weak to resist her, only to end up broken-hearted after she takes her leave. He couldn't-wouldn't- survive that.

His inner turmoil had made him immune to her incessant knocking, making her worried by the second. Her hope flared the moment he opened the door, only to be put off by the slammed door. She knew he was mad, but she hadn't expected this reaction. But, if anything, Emma Swan was stubborn. She wasn't going to let a small thing like a door, deter her from her task.

So, instead of breaking down the door, as was her first rational thought, she used magic, which _should _have been her first rational thought.

And that's how she found him curled up into a ball, leaning against the wall next to the door, staring unseeingly ahead of him. Her heart wrenched, making her chest tight and hard for her to breathe. He was having a freaking panic attack because of her.

_He never believed that I would come back,_ she thought to herself, her hand resting over her heart. _The man who believed in me so relentlessly, the man who loved me, stopped believing that I would come back. What have I done?!_

She barely felt the tears sting her eyes, as she knelt next to him, coaxing him to look at her, to breathe, to do anything expect this!

It took him a moment to finally realise that she was there-really there- his eyes going as wide as saucers as he leaped up from the ground faster than a frog would, trying to get as far away from her an possible.

And it hurt. _God, did it hurt._ But she had to put aside her own feelings for now and concentrate on his. She needed to correct her mistakes, make him see how sorry she was, how wrong she was, how much she loved him.

"Killian," she began, getting up, the tears flowing freely now. "Killian, I'm so sorry," she cried, throwing her arms around him.

He stiffed, his breath stuck in his throat because she was real and she was hugging him and _how much had he craved her warmth when the nights became too cold?_ His heart stuttered, her scent over whelming him. He just barely heard her apologies, too lost in the feel of her body against his _finally._

"Killian," she rasped, her voice thick with tears, cupping his cheek. "Please say something," she begged, looking into his eyes, dragging him back to reality.

He wordlessly lifted his hands-_Oh my God, he has both his hands _- and pulled her own away from him. She gaped at both of his hands, eyes wide in disbelief. "You-you have your hand back," she stated, her gaze flitting from his hands to his face. She grinned through her tears, happy for him and moved to embrace his again, but he stepped back, making her freeze in her place.

"Emma," he breathed, swallowing thickly. "What are you doing?" And he sounded _so wrecked_ that her heart split into two, each bloody side throbbing in pain for him.

"I'm back," she allowed, not knowing what else to say. "I am so sorry I left," she apologised, stepping towards him again, but his wariness evaded off him in waves, so she stopped before she got too close, even though all she wants his to hold him and never let go. "I was stupid and selfish and I am so sorry. You were right I was running away, I was a coward, but I'm back now," she rushed through, trying to make him understand. "I'll never leave again, I promise. Please-just- Say something," she begged, her hands clenched together.

He stared at her, his eyes dark and a storm of emotions, swirling and crashing and so obvious to her, how much pain he was in. And she did that. She put that pain there. His Adam's apply bobbed up and down as he gulped, jaw clenching with restrained emotion. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to say what he needed to say without falling apart.

"You should leave, Emma," he choked out, his words making her heart stop.

"W-what?" she stumbled. "No, no, no. I'm not leaving," she shot out defiantly.

He gritted his teeth, cursing her stubbornness. "I'm not leaving. I made that mistake once. You _told _me I should come to you, so I'm here!" she exclaimed. "I'm, I'm here, Killian," she said softly.

"Emma..." he growled, his eyes stinging.

"No! I'm not leaving. Not until you say something!" she exclaimed. "Killian, please," she began, moving towards, not stopping until he was backed up against the wall. "Please, say something."

Her eyes held his, grounding him, making it impossible for him to move. He stared with wide-eyes fear because this woman had the ability to completely destroy him and _how did he get here?!_

She delicately cupped his face in her trembling hands, murmuring her apologies, until she stopped, capturing his lips with hers in a searing kiss that made his knees buckle and heart somersault and they were softer than he could ever imagine, sweeter than honey and warmer than sunshine on bare skin. He revelled in her touch, her lips moulding into his as their tongues engaged in a tango and he just let go, let himself enjoy this after going so long without. His head leaned against the wall as he let out a soft groan, threading his hands into her straw-spun hair, tilting her head to kiss her deeper.

Her answering moan, however, broke him out of his reverie and he pulled back suddenly, startling her. She still had her eyes closed, her forehead leaning on his as they both panted, trying to catch their breath. He let his hand fall beside him, clenching them so he won't feel tempted again. He couldn't do this, he couldn't just go back like everything was normal.

"That was..." she trailed off, smiling, her eyes still closed.

"Emma, you should go," he said, sighing as he pushed her away gently.

Her eyes snapped open, confusion marring her face as she stammered. But he didn't have the heart to let her have false hope about things between them. There was too much water under the bridge and too much to be resolved, that starting something would be the worst decision. They should talk about it, he knew, but all he could think of right now was that he needed to get away from there- from here- and get some much needed air, because all his emotions seem to be suffocating him.

He moved past her, grabbing his coat. "Killian, please, don't do this," she pleaded, her voice breaking towards the end.

His eyes clenched shut at the pain in her voice. "I'm glad you're back, Swan," he mumbled, leaving her alone in the room.

She watched him leave, felt the heaviness settle in her heart as she did, throat closing up, tears wetting her cheeks. _This is what he must have felt. Only a thousand times worse, _she realised, _because unlike her, he would always come back._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank youuu all so much for the follows and the favorites! I'm so glad so many people actually like this fic!**

* * *

Chapter 5

Emma drove around town aimlessly after she left Granny's. Killian's abrupt departure left her reeling, her lips still tingling from their kiss. She'd stayed in the room for a while, hoping he would come back, hoping they could talk, but as time wore on her hope slowly diminished, her heart breaking anew. Of course, she'd expected him to be angry. She'd expected him to snap at her, shout at her, heck even push her away and she had been ready to fight. But she never thought that he'd be the one doing the leaving.

She was tempted to drive by the docks, because she knew him and she _knew_ that's where he'd be; but he clearly wanted to be alone and she had to give him his space, she owed him that. But she didn't have to like it.

She felt the frustration raise, her head pounding from too much coffee, too little sleep and the whirlwind of emotions that was this day. She swallowed the scream that was threatening to erupt from her throat, her eyes stinging from the massive cry fest she'd succumbed to after she left the Inn. She rubbed her tired, puffy eyes, driving towards the station.

She needed to let out some steam and she knew just how to do it. Parking at the empty spot near the cruiser, she grabbed her gun from the dashboard, the lock on the station door fairly easy to open with her magic.

She went towards the back, where the shooting range was, her shoulders straight, her face pinched tight in an obvious attempt to push down her pain, her anger, her-"UGH!" she screams, shooting at the target, each bullet hitting the bull's-eye. She clutched the gun tight in her hands, letting her emotions flow through it, each loud _bang_ echoing through the empty room, leaving no room for her to think, no room for her to feel the growing pain, choking her because _he left!_ He left and he never leaves, and when he does, he comes back. But he didn't and that _hurt_.

It shouldn't because she deserves worse, she's walked away from him more times than she could count but it still hurts, dammit! _He_ was supposed to be the forgiving one, as selfish as it sounds. _He _was supposed to take her back because she came back for him, not _fucking _leave. By this time the angry tears were coursing down her cheeks in a steady stream, going unnoticed by Emma as she continued to shoot at the target, taking out the empty clip and reloading, only to start again, the sound of the gun too loud for her to pay attention to anything else.

It takes her a moment to notice the _click, click, click, _of the empty magazine, making her let out a noise of vexation and letting the gun drop from her hand on the table in front of her, her sobs finally let free, shaking her form and her throat raw from each cry forced out. One of her arms goes around her torso, as if trying to hold herself together. _No,_ she told herself. _You're stronger than this_._ You're Emma Swan. You don't breakdown because a man broke your heart._

_Not even when the man happens to be your True Love?_ the voice in the back of her mind echoed. _Not even if you broke his heart first?_ it accused, making her heart constrict in her chest, as she struggled to breathe through her sobs.

As she fought to control her emotions, she failed to notice a figure observing her silently, a smirk giving way to a gleam of white teeth in the dark.

-/-

Killian breathes in the cool air, the gentle sound of the waves soothing his frayed nerves. He ran his hand through his hair, his eyes closed tight against the storm of emotions raging him from all sides. She was back. _She came back_ and all he feels is the constant pain he's felt ever since she left. Gods, he'd spent _nights_ dreaming of her return, yearning for her, haunted by the ghost of her touch, of her presence at every corner of the town.

Now, that she is back, he feels just as lost as he did the day she left, just as adrift. He expected himself to be angry, to even be betrayed but he feels afraid. The moment he opened the door to her, his breath caught, his heart stopped, the entire world seemed to freeze as every ounce of love for her he'd buried, dug itself out, sprouting out like a great white oak. All it took was a smile from her to undo him and it _scared _him how much of a hold this woman has on him, on his heart, on his soul, to destroy and remake him all in one stride.

He exhaled harshly, his breath fogging in the frigid air, as he stared into the horizon, looking into the sea for answers it always seemed to provide, for the crash of waves to mean something. But he came up blank, his gaze taking in the slow sunrise, the golden sun reminding him of her golden tresses. He shook his head, dismissing all thoughts of alluring blondes with sea-green eyes and a smile that shifts his world's axis.

Something glinted far off into the sea, making him focus on it, squinting to see what it was. But it disappeared as soon as it appeared. He grabbed the telescope at his hip, pulling the end with his teeth and looking into it, but saw nothing. He scrunched up his eyebrows, trying to decide whether or not it was his imagination, when he heard a musical voice call out to him.

"Killian!" Ariel greeted, coming to stand next to him, smiling brightly up at him.

He couldn't help but return the smile, despite the circumstances. He was glad for the company, for _her_ company. After her and her prince had returned to Storybrooke, after his long, heartfelt apology, after her almost immediate forgiveness (_after_ her very harsh, very well deserved slap, of course), they'd become somewhat close friends, sharing their fondness for the ocean; her prince, Eric, kind enough to let him take his vessel out to sea sometimes.

While their friendship began tentatively, they'd bonded rather quickly, Ariel being the forgiving, friendly soul that she is. "Hello, pirate," she said, sauntering over to him, with a teasing smile on her face.

"Hello, mermaid," he answered, bowing in an entirely exaggerated, mocking manner. "Shouldn't you be with your prince?"

She rolled her eyes, "He's still sleeping. I just wanted to-ah, get some fresh air," she replied. "What are you doing here?" she asked, turning to face him.

He was going to lie, tell her it was nothing. But instead he found himself saying, "Emma's back."

He watched as her eyes grew comically wide, gaping at him with her mouth wide open, which would have amused him if he wasn't feeling so drained. She started wildly gesticulating with her hands, "Em-you mean-sh-She's back? Here? In Stroybrooke? _Emma?_" she shot out, stumbling over her words in shock. "_Emma's back?_" she emphasised, making him roll his eyes.

"_Yes_, Ariel. _Emma's_ back," he mocked, turning his gaze back to the ocean.

"When did she come back?" the mermaid asked, curiosity dripping from her tone.

"I don't know the particulars of her arrival, darling. I just know that she's back," he drawled.

"She's not staying?"

"I don't know," he lied. "She's probably just visiting."

"Is that what you're telling yourself?" she questioned, her hands on her hips, her head tilted to the side is exasperation. "How do you even know she's back?"

He sighed, regretting having told her. "She came by my room at the Inn."

"_What?!_" she screeched, making him cringe.

"Ariel..." he sighed, taking a seat at the bench behind him. "You need to learn to control your impulses, love."

"She came to see you? What did you say? What did _she _say? What happened?" she shot one question after another, barely giving him time to answer, not that he was very keen on doing that.

He sighed again, tiredly, closing his eyes. "She said she made a mistake, that she was sorry for leaving."

She waited for him to continue but he said nothing further. "Well, what happened then?" she demanded.

"Nothing. Leave it be," he gritted out, thinking back on his weak breakdown, on the promises sprouting out of her lips, their kiss. _Gods_, their kiss. It was like he had been a starved man quenching his thirst, her lips like an elixir, granting him new life. It was far better than he'd remembered, his lips still tingling much after he left.

He was a fool to have kissed her in the first place. He was simply setting himself up for further heartbreak, because despite her promises, he couldn't bring himself to believe them.

He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, breaking him from his reverie and glance up at the smiling mermaid. "I know you, Killian. And the woman you've spent the past three months pining for is back. So what are you doing here?"

He swallows, struggling to find an appropriate answer. "I-she-We kissed," he says instead, recounting the whole thing as Ariel patiently listens, her eyes growing more and more sympathetic as the story progressed. "And then I left," he concluded, staring down at his hands, tracing the thin scar encircling his left wrist, the only sign that he has of his previously missing hand.

"You're scared," Ariel said softly after a moment. "You're scared to believe that she's actually back, so you decided that it was best to not engage in anything."

Her perception of him baffles him still, leaving him with nothing to add except to simply nod in agreement, his head hanging low.

"Maybe you'll change your mind," she replies, squeezing his hand in reassurance. "She is after all your True Love."

"Of course, that solves everything," he mumbles sarcastically.

"No, it doesn't. But it means there's something worth fighting for. Something worth believing in. You just need to decide whether or not you want to," she answered, standing up.

She holds out her hand out, making him raise an eyebrow. Rolling her eyes, "Come. Walk me to Granny's," she invited, smiling brightly.

He returned her smile, grabbing her hand in his, letting her pull him towards the diner. As they walked down the dock, she rested her head against his shoulder, sighing to herself.

"Hey, can I tell you something?" she asked after a while of comfortable silence.

"Of course."

She chewed on her lower lip in contemplation, staring at the ground hard as they both halted in the path. Killian looked at her half-curious, half-worried, as the mermaid seemed to ponder on what she wanted to say. "Ariel?" he prompted, making her look up at him as if she'd forgotten he was standing there.

She shook her head finally, the furrow between her brows disappearing as she shot him a reassuring smile. "It's nothing," she replied, walking in the direction of the diner again.

"Are you sure?" he asked, moving to catch up with her surprisingly quick pace. "You seemed quite...worried, for a moment."

"Yes. It's nothing. Don't worry about it," she replied, dismissing the subject as the duo entered the diner.

He frowned but dropped the matter, knowing that she would tell him when she was ready. "Thank you for listening to me," he said instead, taking a place next to her at the counter.

She smiled, "Who'd have thought we would become such best buddies?" she asked teasingly. "The pirate and the mermaid," she sang, making him snort indignantly.

* * *

**I absolutely love, love, LOVE Killian and Ariel brotp! And I was in dire need of some!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for such a late update. College rejections aren't very inspiring. But all that aside, how great was the finale?! **

**On another note, since quite a bit happened in that finale that deviates from the story line, this fix is canon till Kansas and AU from there on. So Neal isn't Neal but Leo, after King Leopold. And Outlaw Queen are married and not in the middle of a love triangle. But that's about it. Oh, and Ariel and Eric came back to Storybrooke on the time Emma was gone, if there was any confusion.**

* * *

Emma tiredly closed the door to the loft, hanging up her coat on the rack nearby.

"Emma!" David's voice startled her. "Are you alright?" he asked, walking towards her. "You were gone all night, we were worried," he added, taking in her red rimmed eyes before pulling her in for a hug.

She leaned on him, exhausted both physically and emotionally, resting her cheek on his shoulder and closing her eyes. She let out a shuddered breath as she realised how much she had come to miss his warm embrace, the way he held her close with one hand cupping her head so gently as if she were still a child, just as she had yearned to be held when she was a child. "I'm okay," she whispered unconvincingly, as she snuggled closer.

"What happened?" he asked instead, pulling away slowly, but not entirely.

"Nothing," she replied, sinking down on the couch, earning her a skeptical look. "Everything," she groaned, leaning her head on the back of the couch cushion. "Regina hates me, Henry doesn't trust me and Killian...He's an entirely different story. I have no idea what he's thinking!" she exclaimed, throwing her arm over her eyes.

"Woah, woah. Henry doesn't trust you? Did he say that?" her father asked taking a seat next to her.

"...No," she allowed, almost pouting. "But when I asked him if he wanted to come back to the loft, he said he should stay at Regina's for a while. He said it's too crowded here," she grumbled.

"And that translates to him not trusting you how?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "He's right, you know. It is pretty crowded here."

"Do you want me to move out?" she turned to face him, eyes wide.

His own shouted panic as he rushed to reassure her, "No, no. Of course not! This is your home, Emma. But we were thinking of moving to a bigger place. One with more room for Leo to play around," he smiled.

She relaxed, smiling up at him, "That sounds nice..." she trailed off, before looking up at him with a completely serious look on her face. "I get the bigger room right?" she asked, making him laugh.

"Sure," he chuckled. "Maybe a large, pink princess bed to go with the pink walls," he teased, making her roll her eyes.

"Emma, Henry will come around, I promise," he vowed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You're his mother and he loves you more than anything."

"I know... I just, I feel so stupid for running away. I messed up everything," she sighed, closing her eyes.

"All messes can be cleared, Emma. Look, I'm not asking you for reasons for why you left, because you came back and that's all that matters to me and your mother. But maybe it's not enough for Henry. Maybe he needs to see it for himself that you mean to stay this time," he said. "Give him time," he smiled.

"Yeah..." she trailed off, swallowing thickly.

"Henry's not the only one who needs time," David added after a while, making Emma whip her head to look up at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her voice slightly high pitched.

"You think I wouldn't notice the 'Killian Jones' part of 'everything'?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her in question.

"No... I just thought you would let it go," she mumbled, looking down at her lap.

"What happened?" he asked, nudging her shoulder.

"He asked me to leave," she mumbled, her eyes stinging with the threat of tears as she remembered how wrecked he looked. "He looked almost afraid to see me, dad," her voice broke as she continued staring at her lap. "He asked me to leave," she repeated in a whisper. "and then he left."

David sighed, running a hand down his face. "Emma, he's your True Love. He'll forgive you, I know he will."

"Maybe I don't deserve it," she muttered, bottom lip trembling. "Just like I don't deserve his love."

"Hey, don't say that. You deserve everything and more. He's hurt, Emma. Just-Go talk to him. He'll listen to you, he'll understand."

"What if he doesn't?" she asked fearfully. "What if he doesn't want to be with me?" she asked in a quieter voice.

"That's absurd," he replied, actually chuckling. "Sorry. But that man not wanting you is like-like- me not wanting your mother." When she stared at him dubiously, he sighed. "Just go talk to him."

She nodded, albeit a bit shakily, hopping off the couch and heading towards the door. Before she could go out though, David's voice stopped her.

"Maybe you should...um, take a shower first?" he finished awkwardly.

Her eyebrows rose, "Are you saying I stink?" she demanded shrilly.

David sputtered, "Um, no! What I meant...was that...you...Is that your mother calling? Oh Leo must be awake. I should go help her," he rushed out, practically flying up the stairs.

Emma huffed in indignation before grabbing clothes to change into.

-/-

She dressed carefully, trying not to overdo anything while making herself look appealing enough for Killian to not be able to resist her. It was a low move, she knew, but it doesn't matter if it helped her cause. She grinned devilishly as she applied a coat of red lipstick and rearranged her curls, before smoothening down her shirt with a neckline that was decent enough but low enough to tease.

She grabbed her jacket on the way out, exchanging a grateful smile with her father, who simply nodded at her in encouragement.

"What was that about?" Mary Margret asked as she tightened the lid of the bottle she'd prepared for Leo.

"Nothing," he smiled. "I'm just glad our daughter's back," he exhaled loudly, smiling down at Leo, who was gruggling in his arms.

His wife brightened at that as she beamed up at him. " I told you she'd come back to us, Charming."

"Remind me never to doubt you again," he joked, kissing her lovingly, making her laugh. David sighed with joy, content now that everything was alright. His family was now complete.

-/-

A man emerged from the shadows of the alley he was hiding in, watching as the Saviour rushes past , dressed in the strange grab of this realm. He grinned widely, his blue eyes shinning bright in the darkness.

His hand twitched reaching for the blade stuck in his belt, but he resisted knowing that now want the time. He had to lay in wait a little longer, be sure of the Captain's affections for the blonde. His grin broadened as she saw her entering the establishment he had seen said Captain entering just a while ago with his red-haired companion.

He just had to wait a few more days until he set his plan in motion. He licked his lips in anticipation.

-/-

The bell jingled when Emma pushed the door to Granny's open, making everyone's head turn towards her, including Killian's and Ariel's, whose eyes widened slightly quickly turning to face him. All conversation stopped almost at the same time that it would have been funny, had it been under different circumstances. But Emma had eyes only for one amongst the diner patrons.

But said man's eyes averted from her gaze as he stared pointedly at his pancakes instead of meeting her eyes. She sighed to herself, knowing it could never be that easy. She removed her red leather jacket and looked around for a place to sit, away from prying eyes but where she could still look at her pirate. When the other diner patrons continued to stare at her, she glared at them, scowling deeply. That made them all jump back to their previous conversations and averting their gaze.

Emma walked towards Killian, building up the courage to talk to him, to face him again when he suddenly stood up startling both her and Ariel, whose gaze was fixed on her all this while. He hurriedly placed a few dollar bills on the counter and brushed past her, his head down and rushing out of the diner. She stared in shock at his departure, not even looking at her. Ariel looked equally surprised, but there was an undertone of anger in her expression before she turned to face Emma with a sympathetic look on her face.

"I'm sorry for how he behaved," she began, her eyes soft as they regarded her.

Emma schooled her face into a passive expression, having no intention on letting a stranger be privy to her emotions. She swallowed past the lump in her throat before answering, "He's warranted his anger."

"You should go after him," Ariel replied after a moment of awkward silence.

"What?" Emma asked, her eyes shifting from the doorway to the former mermaid.

"Go after him," she urged, smiling knowingly at her. When Emma hesitated, her smile widened encouragingly.

Emma nodded at her gratefully before marching out the door after her True Love. She was going to fight for him, just like he had for her because that's what you do for the people you love.

-/-

Killian breathed the ocean air deeply, trying to get the image of enticing blondes with wicked green eyes out of his head. He winced at the poor choice of words.

He'd thought seeing her yesterday had been bad, but seeing her today, her hair in gentle waves as the sunlight highlighted their golden hue, made his heart stop beating. She looked even more beautiful in the morning light that spilled into the diner, her cheeks pink from the brisk morning air and her lips painted a sensual red.

He exhaled sharply, cursing his mind for remembering everything concerning Emma Swan. He heard footsteps behind him, making him groan to himself.

"I'm in no mood to chat about my feelings, Ariel," he grumbled, his back to the woman approaching him.

"Not Ariel," a soft voice replied, making his heart stutter in his chest and his whole body freeze before he warily turned around to face the woman who'd been haunting his dreams and occupying his every thought. "She's worried about you though."

He steps back a fraction, making her halt in her own movements as much she hated the space between them, feeling like a valley of pain and unsaid words and everything wrong.

"What're you doing here, Emma?" He asked, not unkindly.

"I came to apologize," she breathed, moving a step forward.

"Emma-" he began, but she cut him off.

"Please, just let me do this. You don't owe me anything, I know, but please, Killian," she practically begged, her heart in her throat.

He looked taken aback but nodded, allowing her to continue.

She stared to pace, to restless to stand still. "When I left Storybrooke, I was running away. It's what I've always done, what I've known all these years. I was to afraid to try, Killian. To try and be a part of something because I was convinced that it will be taken away from me, just like everything good in my life. I was too blind, too stubborn to realize what I'll be leaving behind.

"My life in New York with Henry was... great. But it was all a lie. I just wanted to go back to a time where none of this existed, before Henry found me. But it was only after leaving did I realize how lonely that life was. How sad I was. I wanted to forget everything, everyone because I didn't feel like a part of it, my life as a Savior.

"All my life, all I've known is being alone and constant heartbreak that I learnt to leave before it ever got to that point. But I knew the moment that I left that I would regret it, that I was wrong. I was miserable the past three months, trying to forget everything but it just made it that much harder to forget. I was too ashamed to come back, too used to running to find the courage to stop.

But I couldn't take it anymore... Being away from Henry, my parents, you was too hard. I tried to bring myself to at least call, but I couldn't. I was afraid. So I'm sorry. Sorry for not listening, for not staying. For not choosing you like you've chosen me so many times. I'm sorry for not loving you enough." She was crying by this point, her arms hugging herself, biting her lower lip to reign in her sobs. "But I do now. I love you," she declared, making him unconsciously sway in her direction, his eyes roving over her face trying to detect whether she was lying, although he knew in his heart that she spoke only the truth.

"I'm in love with you, Killian," she repeated, moving closer until there was barely a hairsbreadth between them. "And I'm done running away from that."

He swallowed thickly, barely able to breathe past the lump in his throat. He'd longed to hear those words slip past her lips for so long; it was what gave him hope when he'd set out to find her in New York, that he would one day be on the receiving end of the words. His brow furrowed, tears gathering in his eyes as he struggled to find something to say, his head screaming that this was all a farce as his heart rammed against his chest in a wild staccato, urging him to believe her.

"Say something. Please," she softly demanded as she did last night, her hand coming up to grip his shirt.


	7. Chapter 7

**So sorry guys, for such a late update! I was entirely caught up in college admissions and the like. But good news it I finally got into one I really wanted! So, yay for that. Psych major.^_^**

**anyway, onto the new chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 7

"Emma," he whispers brokenly, his throat closing up from the onslaught of emotions as his heart beat wildly in his chest, he was afraid it would burst out. Surely she could feel how her words affected him, having longed to hear them for so long, his dreams haunted by the words left unsaid.

He knew she loved him, of course he did. She broke the curse on him with True Love's Kiss, which was proof in itself, but to hear the words come out of her mouth were as unsettling as they were welcome.

Unsettling because he was still reluctant to believe all that transpired since last night to be true; that Emma was truly back for him. People only ever left him, his father, Liam, Milan...Bae. No one has come back for him, for the boy not worth sticking around for. For the brother to naive to be right. For the pirate.

Except her.

He looked down at her in all her wide eyed, golden haired beauty, his arm going around her waist as he pulled her almost roughly to him, his mouth moulding hers, swallowing her startled gasp. This kiss was everything last night's kiss was and all the things it wasn't. It was sweet as it was passionate, soft as it was rough, teeth biting into lips as tongues later soothed the sting. Her arms were slung around his shoulders, holding him to her with no intention of letting go.

His hand threaded through her hair as the other one gripped her hip almost bruisingly. His tongue plundered her mouth as he breathed her in, groaning in the back of his throat at the distinct taste that was _Emma._ Her lips were sin he would gladly commit his life to, he avowed to himself, holding her to him as their passionate exchange calmed down until their lips were softly grazing each other's, reluctant to stop completely.

She smiled against his lips, pressing against them one last time before she pulled away. By this time, her hands were clenched around the collar of his coat, grinning up at him. "Does this mean you forgive me?" She asked, actually afraid of what his answer might be.

He smiled down at her, his fingers messing with her hair absentmindedly, as his left hand raised to trace the apple of her cheek. "There is nothing to forgive, love," he replied seriously.

"Killian," she sighed, touching her forehead to his, staring into his to blue eyes, getting overwhelmed by the love that shone there.

"No, Emma. There really is nothing to forgive. I was never angry at you when you left," he admitted, making her meet his eyes.

She searched his eyes for a hint of a lie, but found nothing but the truth. But that doesn't mean that's all there was to the story. "Then what did you feel?" She asked before she could stop herself.

His eyes left hers, looking past her as he struggled to put into words he felt in manner that wasn't accusing. Her soft, coaxing, 'please' did him in. In the end he settled for a whispered, " Heartbroken."

His admission made her throat close up, noting how his voice cracked slightly towards the end. He tried to smile reassuringly at her, but our only made her feel worse as tears welled up in her eyes. But she stubbornly pushed them down, pulling him to her and hugging him tight, burying her face in his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Killian," she mumbled, pressing a sweet kiss near his throat. His arms immediately came around her, hand running through her hair gently, lovingly, _so tenderly_ it made her want to cry even more. "I'm sorry for ever leaving."

He pulled back, one of his hands resting on her shoulder as the other rose to cup her cheek, wiping the lone tear that managed to escape. "But you came back. Emma, love, all I wanted was for you to find your home, even if it wasn't with me."

Her expression softened at the barely detectable tone of defeat towards the end of the sentence, turning her head slightly to kiss the palm cradling her face. "I did," she agreed. "_with _you. _You_ are my home, my True Love. I'm a fool for taking so long to realise it. Neal was right."

"About what?"

"You don't have a home until you just miss it. And these three months away from my family, from you... I've never missed this place more," she confessed. "And now everything is back on track," she smiled. When she saw him hesitate, her smile flattered.

"What is it?" she asked, pulling away slightly so she could look him in the eye.

He swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple moving up and down, "When you say, 'everything' you mean...everything including...us?" he questioned, unwilling to meet her eyes.

"Of course. I thought you would be happy?" she replied, her arms falling to her side.

"I am. More than anything," he assured her quickly. Too quickly.

"Then why am I sensing a 'but' there?" she asked, apprehension getting the best of her.

He grabbed one of her hands in both of his. "Emma, I am in love with you," he assured her. "And I trust you with my life." He sighed, pressing his lips to her knuckles. "I am, however, too afraid to trust you with my heart," he admitted, his voice so quiet that she barely heard him.

His words made a hole the size of a crater in her heart, making her pull her hand from his grip as tears filled her eyes. Her lips thinned as she struggled to maintain her composure. How could she have been foolish enough to think he would ever want her back after she hurt him so many times, both with her words and actions?

"Does this mean...that you don't," she paused, her voice trembling. "want me?" she finished, her eyes closed so she wouldn't lose what little control she had over her emotions.

"What?" he breathed, his own eyes shooting up to see the pain etched on her face. "What? No! No, no, no," he protested, striding the short distance he'd created between them to pull her into his arms again. "Darling, I can never not want you. Or ever want be apart from you. _You_are _my_ home, just as I am yours." Resting his forehead against hers, he continued. "I simply meant that we take this- whatever you want this, _us_ to be- slow. I am not going anywhere, I assure you, Swan."

She slowly opened her eyes to meet his loving, soft gaze boring to hers. "I'm not either," she promised.

"I know that, love. I just-"

"Need to be sure," she finished. "You need to be sure that I'm here for good."

When he didn't reply, but looked down guiltily, she let a small smile graze her lips. "Killian Jones, look at me," she coaxed gently. When he finally looked up, she cradled his face with both her hands, "I love you with all my heart. If it means I have to wait for you to trust me, then I will. I will _always_ wait for you."

His eyes widened slightly, "Gods, I love you, Emma," he whispered against her lips before capturing them in a world-spinning, life-breathing kiss that made her knees weak and melt into him.

She pulled back, her vision hazy as they both grinned goofily. "Do-do you want to go get breakfast with me?" she asked, feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush, heart racing and stomach filled with butterflies.

"It would be my pleasure," he grinned back, his own heart stuttering in his chest at her answering smile, brightening up her entire face. They both walked in comfortable silence, their hands grazing but neither made a move to take it, until finally the diner came into view.

Killian looked at her from the corner of his eye, noticing the nervousness on her face to face the people she hadn't seen in over three months. He silently slipped his hand into hers, giving her a gentle squeeze, making her look up at him in surprise, before she smiled shyly at him, her cheeks red in the enticing way he's come to love. He smiled reassuring back at her as they reached the establishment.

Opening the door for her, they were met with all eyes staring at them, conversations stopping just as it did when she'd first walked in. It was his turn to glare at the crowd, far more threatening than the Saviour's as many of them almost immediately averted their eyes and directed back to their conversations.

He saw Ariel smile brightly at him from a booth of her own, Eric having joined her in the time they'd been gone. He smiled back, his eyes lighter than they had been before, his smile brighter. He guided Emma over to a secluded booth near the far end of the diner, providing as much privacy as possible.

After they placed their order, she turned towards him with a smile, her hands finding his over the table. "So," she began.

"So," he mimicked.

"You have your hand back," she states matter-of-factly.

He grins cheekily. "That I do," he replies, his grin widening as she huffed.

"Care to elaborate?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

He pretends to ponder over the decision seriously, hand rubbing his scruff. "Not particularly, no," he said, his face serious, threatening to break into a grin.

She glared at him, almost pouting but not quite. He sighed, "Rumplestiltskin...re-attached it. Sort of."

Of the hundred questions running through all that she asked was, "Why?"

"It's bit of a story, really," he mumbled, glancing down at their entwined hands.

"I've got time," she hinted, smiling at him.

He sighed, clearing his throat. "It was about a month after you'd returned to New York," he began. "I was returning from quite the night at the Rabbit Hole with the lads, so it's safe to say I was more than a bit inebriated. And lonely," he added with a shrug, making her wince to herself. "I was walking past his shop when something caught my eye. _My hand_," he almost spat.

"He had it bloody displayed, like-like a trophy! All preserved and exactly like it was when he cut it off. Minus all the blood, of course," he said with a grimace on his face. "As I said, I was very drunk and it was late, so I broke into the shop and...stole my hand back."

This made her raise her eyebrow incredulously. "You...stole you hand."

"Yes," he sighed. "Your father found me the next day, sprawled across a park bench, cradling the hand, apparently. Safe to say he was a bit amused, but the Dark One wasn't. Belle, however, being the lovely lass that she is, convinced him to re-attach it."

"That was nice of her," she replied, squeezing his hand.

"Aye. It took a while to get used to, but it wasn't unappreciated. Especially with the new job."

"Job? You got a job?"

"Well, I could survive on the remaining gold only for so long, Swan. Aye, your father was kind enough to help me acquire one. As harbour master."

"That's great, Killian!" she enthused, making him smile in return, his cheeks flushing. "Guess breakfast is your treat then," she added slyly, making him roll his eyes.

Just then, their food arrived, Ruby winking at Emma on her way back, making her blush before digging into her eggs. They conversed amicably throughout breakfast, slipping back into their playful banter easily, as if they never stopped.

"Well," she began, pushing her now empty plate away from her. "I better get going. I promised Henry that he could come apartment hunting with me," she said, remembering the hurried phone conversation she'd had with her son before she left the loft.

"Planning on settling here then, Swan," he teased, although there was a slight anxiety in his tone.

"Definitely," she replied solemnly, "My parents and brother are here. And my son. There's the pirate, who I pine for," she teases back, a genuine smile gracing her face.

"Is there now?" he asked, eyebrow raised. "Devilishly handsome, I presume?"

"Oh, yes. Very. Also, kinda dorky."

He frowned at that. "I do not know what that term means, Swan. But from that glint in your eyes, am I correct in assuming that it's not very appealing?"

"It's appealing. As it turns out, I find dorky guys sexy," she whispers, making his frown change into a smirk. "But I really have to get going. I'll see you later?" she asked, getting up from the booth.

"Most definitely," he assured her, squeezing her hand in goodbye. He would have kissed her, but they were taking it slow...unfortunately.

He watched her sashay out the door, gulping heavily at the purposeful sway of her hips, if her teasing glance over the shoulder was any indication. He was drawn out his stupor by Ariel, who slid into the booth opposite him, the one Emma had just vacated.

"Looks like everything's back to normal," she commented, smiling widely.

"Seems like it," he agreed, turning to face his friend. "Thank you, Ariel."

"Whatever for?" she asked, confusion clear on her face.

"For reminding me that I have something worth fighting for- True Love."

"You'd have done the same," she replied simply.

"Only I didn't. So, thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm happy for you," she smiled kindly, her eyes crinkling at the corner.

"I am too," he sighed. "Very much so."

After breakfast, he left for work, coming back very late in the evening. He'd been disappointed that he hadn't run into Emma after that morning but he was the one who'd asked for space. So, if he wanted to see her, he had to seek her out.

He'd been contemplating on whether he should go knocking at her door so late in the night when he heard a frantic knock on his own door. For a moment his heart sped up hoping it would be his blonde Saviour, but he didn't give himself time to ponder too long, practically throwing the door open.

"Eric?" he asked, taking in the dishelved appearance of the prince. "What is it?" he asked, a bad feeling raising in his chest.

"It's Ariel," he chocked, his eyes unnaturally wide with worry and fear. "She's missing."

* * *

**Reviews make me update faster! Also, send me your theories about Ariel's mer-napper, cause I'd love to hear them!**


End file.
